Over the past few years, my life has changed a lot. My son was diagnosed with autism. A few months later, deep in the study of autism to better understand my son, I realized that I’m also autistic (and he probably inherited the genes from me). This happened amid the worst occupational burnout of my life, which coincided with autistic burnout and workplace bullying. In late 2024, I quit my job as an embedded systems engineer and began working on my recovery.
The task was no longer to design or maintain embedded systems, but to research the functioning of my nervous system and learn how to listen to my body.
I began to seek out autistic friends. I met one person on the Fediverse and we developed a strong connection. But this person was, like many autistics, deeply traumatized and difficult to be close to. It was the most unstable friendship of my life, and now I believe it has met its permanent end.
I began to realize how raw the Fediverse is, how rife it is with hot takes, oversimplifications, pop psychology, and rampant misuse of concepts. How much it is ruled by emotion and impulse rather than curiosity and diligence. It’s a place of entertainment rather than enlightenment. I realized, everything I learned about myself as an autistic person points away from this kind of community. I crave depth and nuance. And my nervous system needs a quiet, safe space where it doesn’t have to fear being called out because I’m not ___ enough or I have too much ___.
That’s why I decided to revisit my dusty old blog. Twelve years ago, it was my blog where I first began to express my autistic self in a public way. I just didn’t know I was autistic at the time. But as I adapted my blog to fit the pressures and expectations of my budding engineering career, I began to hide myself. My blog became less about my ideas and more about what others think is important. I no longer felt safe on the internet. It became an occasion for masking and assimilation.
Today, I reclaim this blog for soothing my nervous system and sharpening my mind.
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© 2026 Karl Schultheisz